Something doesn’t feel quite right and you want to make a change.

But you don’t prioritize it. You don’t make the time to make progress or even give yourself the space to think about it.

You prioritize others’ needs over your own and you let the mean critic voice inside your head convince you that you can’t change.

I’ve been there too.

I’ve always had a loud inner critic voice trying to dissuade me from doing things I really wanted to do. Second-guessing my decisions and telling me I was not ready. I made up excuses to not do things that felt scary.

While I haven’t found a magic switch to turn off that loud inner critic I’ve learned to prioritize myself and not let that critic voice get in the way of what’s important to me. You can do it too.

My journey

I’ve always been a curious person. Asking tons of questions, wondering how things work and loving to learn new things.

In the past, this curiosity and love of learning led me to develop my more analytical and rational side — a side I’ve always been praised for at school and work. I was a good student, got my master’s in electrical engineering, went to work at a top management consulting firm, and then later pursued my MBA at UC Berkeley and worked as a strategy and operations leader at an edtech startup.

I followed a path aligned with my ability for problem-solving and analytical skills.

And yet, I’ve also had this other side I longed to explore — a more emotional, sensitive, and human side. It’s always been there, and instead of seeing it as a strength, I took it for granted and didn’t give it special attention or nurturing. I was recognized at work as being empathetic, as a leader who created a safe environment for the team, as someone people enjoyed working with, and as someone who deeply cared about the people I worked with.

But that wasn’t enough. This emotional side wanted to come out and lead me in a different direction but I resisted this change. I liked my job and the people I worked with. And yet I didn’t feel satisfied with how I was showing up and who I was. I knew I wanted to embrace this emotional side and explore a different path, but it felt scary. It felt irresponsible to walk away from something I knew I was good at and I had worked so hard for. And I didn’t really know what exactly I wanted to explore.

I knew I’d be unhappy five years later if I continued on the same path.

I had a nagging thought, “Is this it?” Which didn’t help. It left me feeling anxious for my future self.

My inner critic wasn’t helping either. It kept me stuck and terrified to make any change for a long time.

I’ve had a loud inner critic all my life, a harsh voice inside my head second-guessing myself, telling me I’m not ready, not good enough. Making me fear that I was finally going to be found to be a fraud and that I didn’t belong. Because of those voices, I’ve probably missed out on many opportunities.

Deep down I knew I wanted to listen to myself and make a change. But I still didn’t make the time for it.

Then motherhood came along. The biggest, most gratifying, and yet scariest change I’ve navigated. Having kids turned my life upside down.

Children first, then work, then me.

In the process of becoming a mom I lost myself and my identity. A lot of the things that were important for me were relegated to meeting my baby’s needs. And any thought I had about rethinking my career was put on hold. Now was not the moment.

I went back to work after my first child but things were different. I felt like I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to. Something was missing — I missed that spark. I told myself this was not the time to make a change. I should be grateful for finally becoming a mother and be thankful for having a good job and employer. I was busy learning how to be a mom, getting back into a working rhythm while figuring out how to function with a few hours of sleep. I felt like a mess.

I got trapped in a victim mentality. I felt like my interests and values were being hijacked, like I had no control over what I wanted. But I settled into the routine and disregarded that inner nudge that something was missing.

I didn’t allow myself to explore my curiosity. Instead, I powered through, like I’ve learned to do so well in the past.

I didn’t want to complain. I had a wonderful husband I adore, my kids that I love to the moon and back, a family that loves me, everyone in good health, and good friends. I felt ashamed to want more in life. But there was something that didn’t quite work for me. I wasn’t being honest with myself about what was important to me.

I love being a mom and spending time with my family. It has made me rediscover hidden parts of myself and made me grow in many different ways. I wanted to be the best mom I could be, and I also wanted to honor myself and not neglect my own needs.

I finally started listening to that soft voice inside me telling me that something needed to change.

It was only after the birth of my second son, a move to a new continent, and the start of the pandemic that made me finally react. I started the process of reclaiming myself.

When we settled in Amsterdam and I finally started looking for a new job, I hit a wall. None of the opportunities seemed exciting, they didn’t light me up. Actually quite the opposite — I dreaded them.

When the pandemic hit and I found myself at home with two kids and no time to think about what I wanted, I felt frustrated again. Out of that frustration, I made a commitment to make the time to figure it out. I didn’t allow myself to get hung up on the uncertainties and all the unknowns. And that’s how coaching came into my life.

I made the time for myself. I say made time because, with two kids at home under the age of three during lockdown, that was a very conscious and deliberate choice, and it took some determination to make it happen. And it didn’t always work out perfectly.

I started journaling about what I wanted, thinking about my interests, and asking myself not only what I was good at in my job but what I really enjoyed. The constant highlights were about working with people, the connections I made, and being there to support and help others grow.

I realized that coaching was a skill I wanted to explore further. I had put it aside for too long.

The funny thing is as I was going through this exercise, I dug out some papers of similar exercises that I’d gone through over three years back when I had started feeling the nudge of “Is this it?”

Also back then I had identified coaching as an area of interest but had never allowed myself to go there, I had never dedicated the time to explore it. That woke me up. I felt disappointed I had ignored this feeling of discontent and not made it a priority to listen to myself and my needs.

The beginning of my coaching journey.

That same day, I took the first step not knowing what to expect. I signed up for my first coaching training and looked for a coach to work with. At the time, I didn’t think I wanted to become a full-time coach. I had no goal in mind rather than exploring my curiosity and finally listening to myself. It was only later that I challenged myself to think bigger and not just use coaching in 20% of my next role but make it an integral part of what I do.

It was a journey of self-discovery and exploration. Not just learning coaching tools but learning about myself. About my values, my motivations, my loud inner critic, my inner wisdom.

Bringing coaching into my life was a life changer. I kept thinking to myself, why haven’t I learned about all these concepts earlier?

I wished I would have had access to this earlier in my life. I wonder why they don’t teach this at school? (I would love to work on that at some point!)

It would have come in handy to deal with my constant self-judgment, lack of confidence, impostor syndrome, need for validation, people-pleasing, procrastination tendency, and the cacophony of voices in my head telling the shoulds and shouldn’ts, the expectation, the worries about what others will say.

It’s an ongoing learning process. I still find myself listening to that inner critic and falling into old patterns. But now I catch myself and that awareness gives me the chance to respond in a different way. I trust myself more, I’m kinder to myself and I take action on the things that matter to me, even if I’m not sure how they’ll turn out.

I’ve learned a lot from everything that I’ve done in the past. And if I were able to go back, I wouldn’t change much. It’s made me who I am. However, I do wish I would have listened to that soft voice sooner.

This is why I do the work I do.

I want to support other people who are tired of listening to their harsh inner critic and want to prioritize themselves and honor their values.

I want to help them as they go on this self-discovery journey to learn about who they are and how they want to show up. I want to support them in getting clarity about what’s important to them, understand why and take action towards it, not hiding behind their insecurities and other excuses.

It feels good to know what’s important to me and live in alignment with my values every day - values of connection, helping others, curiosity, growth, and self-love. And I want to help others do the same.

From this place of feeling fulfilled and aligned with myself, I can show up fully as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend. As a coach.

Let’s explore the changes YOU want to bring into your life.